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A comprehensive list of Australian History

Below is a comprehensive list of Australian History. This first appeared in this post. If you have any suggestions for inclusions, email me.

  • Before 18th century, Aborigines lived in Australia.
  • Some time before 1788, James Cook discovered Australia. This was a shock to the Aborigines, who thought that they already knew about it.
  • 1788, the First Fleet arrives in Sydney, declaring the country Terra Nullius. This was also a big shock to the Aborigines, who thought that they lived in Australia. This was also undoubtedly a good thing for Australia, because with out it, we wouldn't have Australia Day.
  • Not a lot happened in the 19th century. The only major things were:
  • Chinese, Irish and Jews brought gold to Australia.
  • Miners in Ballarat got sick of paying taxes without representation, so they through a party where they gave a foul tasting drink to government soldiers. This drink was made out of the left over liquid from boiling meats. Because this drink also stank, they called it the "You reek - ugghhh - stock-ade." This drink was only marginally worse than Gatorade.
  • Ned Kelly rode around with a rubbish bin on his head inspiring movie producers.
  • In 1900, a bunch of old blokes with big bushy beards declared that Australia would be a country.
  • Sometime in the first half of the 20th century, a whole bunch of Australian soldiers invaded Gallipoli, which is somewhere far away outside Australia. This was a resounding success, and we get ANZAC day off each year in April so that we can watch Collingwood play Essendon in the footy. Something also happens in November, but because the footy season has finished and the cricket season is just getting going, and because we don't get a day off, this is generally not given the same status.
  • In 1932, England declared war on Australia. They began the conflict when they sent an assassin named Sardine to try to injure Governor-General Bradman. (Suggested by Dave Osmond, modified by me)
  • During the middle of the century, Australia was run by Robert Menzies, who later got reincarnated to become John Howard, and Governor-General Donald Bradman, who John Howard idolises.
  • In 1975, there was a bit of a controversy, because the captain of one team, Malcolm Fraser, bowled what should have been a no-ball, because it was a throw and he over-stepped the line. The captain of the other team, Gough Whitlam, didn't get any bat on the ball, but the umpire, a chap named Kerr, gave him out caught behind. This event is now know simply as "The Dismissal"
  • In 1983 Australia won the America's Cup, which is a prestigious yacht race. It was a big deal at the time, because America had always won it before. It's not a big deal now, because even landlocked Switzerland has won it.
  • In the 80s and 90s, Australia was run by a bloke with a strange name of Hawk Keating. Most people can't remember his real first name. The Hawk Keating Government did a whole lot of stuff, but is remembered for the PM crying a lot and the treasurer telling us that we have to have a recession.
  • Eventually, Hawk Keating lost and John Howard won. The John Howard Government was notable for having many decisions made by Abbott and Costello, who were once a famous American comedy duo.
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